Not sure what to say these days...I just feel like I should say something though. It has been 16 days now since my Mom's death and some days it feels like yesterday and others it feels like years. It is hard. I miss her a lot. I miss talking to her about all the things we talked about...sometimes it was probably the same conversation every time we talked, but it was us being us. I miss telling her about my day and if it was a bad one...her telling me she was sorry and making me laugh in some way. Lots of things remind me of her it seems like on a daily basis more than I thought would before she died. I by no means thought this would be easy but the last few days have been a little harder than I thought. And unfortunately no one can make these past days or the days to come any easier and that sucks! Grief sucks...and I know and remember how it works and I hate being back in this spot emotionally. It creeps up on you when you don't want it to or when you least expect it. It is not convenient and sometimes it feels like it does not take breaks to let you rest.It is just...I want her back. I know all the explanations that she is not in pain, she is in a better place, things happen for a reason...but you know what, I do not care right now. I want to be able to talk to her. I want to be selfish and I want her here with us. I want this all to be a bad dream and to wake up and see her.
I just want her here and I wish that could happen.
4 comments:
Hey Crystal, grief does really suck, and I hate that you are there in that place again. We both know how different every person's grief is and how personal it is, and that every situation is so different from the next. But it still doesn't seem like too long ago that I was in those first stages of grief myself and it's easy to remember how raw those feelings and emotions can be. I'm so sorry you are missing your mom and your friend right now and that you are going through this pain. Be as selfish as you want to be right now and know that I am continually praying for you.
Love, Elizabeth
i love you cmo
crystal, thank you for letting us know how you are feeling. i just got on the blog today and read it. like i told you before, i just wish i could take your pain away. but i know that is impossible. i too remember the grief from when Daddy died. just sunday night at the house blessing, i read a scripture about him Psalm 1:1, "Blessed in the man..." and i got choked up. and it has been almost 9 years. keep talking, take care of your dad, and take care of you. and let yourself feel. i love you so much. and remember Phillipians 4:13.ankuy
that was me, not anonymous
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