The words I spoke at my Mom's Funeral...

A few months back my Mom and I talked about what she wanted to happen on this day. She wanted people to walk away from this service knowing her better, remembering who she was and maybe even laugh a little. I told her I would try to do all those things for her but I was not sure how to work the laughing into a funeral.

As I stand in front of you today, I have contemplated what I would say or how I would say it. I am not sure if I figured it out, but it is important for me to be up here in front of each of you. Each of you knows Gayle Morgan in a different way. Some of you know her as a friend, a sister, a relative, a wife, an acquaintance, but I knew her best as my Mom and my best friend. I am here to tell you how I knew her. She did not expect me to speak today but I told her I would. I am here to honor that promise I made to her.

So where do I begin. Well, let me begin with the small details. Her favorite color was red. She loved red and white polka dots. She used to drink Swiss Miss Hot Chocolate every morning. Sometimes she would have 2 cups if it was a bad day. She didn’t like coffee or tea, but preferred Diet Coke. She did not drink alcohol....well, maybe she had it a few times. She liked spicy food, but preferred fresh jalapenos over pickled jalapenos. She would only chew gum for a few minutes and then get rid of it. She would say it lost its flavor or it was just too sweet. She didn’t like to take medicine. She had random cure alls for things. A wet washcloth could cure a variety of ailments. She did not like going to the doctor, but would be the first one to tell us if we needed to go. She enjoyed mowing the yard. Even when she was enduring chemo treatments she would continue to mow the yard. She said it made her feel better and gave her energy. She loved to work in the yard. The woman could grow anything….and if she killed the plant she replaced it before people noticed. She use to tell me that was not true but I begged to differ. She had a contagious smile and laugh. When she laughed hard she always covered her mouth and seemed to laugh a little harder.

Cancer is what ultimately took my moms life. But she did not let it define who she was. She didn’t want to be treated like she was sick or that she was incapable of doing things. So we didn’t treat her that way. We joked with her and laughed at things that some people might ask “how we could find any humor in that situation?”. We called it our morbid or cancer humor. We would say that we can’t do anything about it but laugh. She was quick witted and sarcastic at times. Sometimes she would say some random comments. A few weeks ago, we were at home with Hospice Care. My Mom was having a pretty good day and she asked me if she could go outside. She said she wanted to go around the house and look at her flowers. She told me I could stay inside that she could do it. Of course she knew better to think that I would just sit inside. Well, she wanted to do more than just go outside but wanted to pull some weeds and prune her flowers. She went to the garage and got her small clippers and proceeded to garden. I let her roam around the house with the occasional peek to see if she was ok. Needless to say in between one of peeks she had fallen. I rushed over to her and asked if she was ok. She said yes and I then asked if she fell. Her response was “I take the 5th”. She would not admit to falling and later said it was not a fall but a sit-down all of the sudden. I told her we couldn’t have anymore of those because we would both be in trouble with my Dad. She just replied with I’m fine. She was always fine. She didn’t want us to worry so that always became her reply was I’m fine.

The ironic thing about the cancer was that it brought the two of us closer. Don’t get me wrong my, Mom and I had our disagreements and we sometimes needed our time apart. She told me not to portray her as a perfect person today. But for the most part and especially the past two years has made me realize even more what a truly remarkable mother I have been blessed with. She was a woman of amazing strength both physically and emotionally. She taught me how to face things head on. Life throws us trials and tribulations but there is always a way out. She taught me patience…although I do not think that lesson was quite over. She could wait for whatever the outcome was to be. She was a woman who was slow to anger. She did not get mad often but when she did she let you know it. My Mom or my Dad bought this little doll that said “if momma aint happy, aint nobody happy.” This was definitely true. We all knew growing up to steer clear of mom if she was mad. We all got in line and did anything she asked immediately. Flowers always seemed to arrive at the door for her too. We joke that it was the Ice & Buck in her. My Mom was stubborn and independent. She was going to do it no matter what…especially if she was told she couldn’t or if it wasn’t supposed to be done. She was going to prove us wrong. She was a fighter with a tremendous amount of courage. That spirit is what helped her and us get through these past few months. She was afraid that people would think she gave up, but as I told her that is not the case. She fought much longer than most people and a lot longer than I think I could have. She was a woman with a strong work ethic. Both my parents are. “Nothing in life is free”, they use to say. I thought it was just one of those phrases they would use to get out of buying me something I wanted, but I learned it meant much more as I got older. I learned to work for what I wanted both emotionally and physically out of my life. No one was going to hand it to me. She taught me about marriage. She was married to my Dad for 40 years. We would talk about Derek and my Dad and how to fix them….she would tell me there was no way to fix them she had been trying for years. She loved my Dad and he loved her dearly. I could see it every time I was around them.

The last thing is I want to share what my Mom told me about how to handle our lives without her. We talked openly about it. These were not easy talks but we did not want to have regrets. We were sitting outside the hospital after we had just received bad news in Houston. It was just the two of us on a warm clear day. She told me, “Crystal it is going to be hard. I am sorry it is not fair. I do not want this for you, your Dad, Derek or any of you. But it is what it is. We cannot live forever and you all will have to move on. It will be tough and I know that. I know you will miss me but just like with Cory’s death we are able to remember the good times and smile and laugh about them. There will be tough times ahead but I know you can get through it and I am sorry I will not be there with you to help you but you have Derek, your Dad and your friends. We have had a lot of good times and memories together. Hold on to those. Try to remember the good times we shared together and as a family. I love you and your Dad. It will be ok, it will take some time but it will be ok. I am ok with dying. I just worry about the people I am leaving behind.”

So today when you leave her I ask you one thing. Hold on to the ones you love. Tell them that you love them and say what you need to say to those close to you. We were lucky enough to be able to do that as a family. My Mom made sure of it. I know my Mom knows how much I love her and I know how much she loves me. I ask you to remember the good times. Remember the times that bring a smile to your face. Honor & Remember my Mother that way.